RELATIONSHIPS: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT....RIGHT NOW!!!

So another one of your friends has gotten engaged.

Funmi’s just had a baby.

The wedding pictures of Ndidi’s beautiful day have just been posted.

You’re a combination of happiness, for your friend’s happiness, mixed with a bit of befuddlement, because when did everyone start getting married?

And add to that a brief but potent jolt of panic that you’ve missed your time for rings and wedding bells and baby booties,

immediately followed by the incredulous laugh at your own silliness, because—

You’re only 22 or 26 0r 30 0r even 40 years old




Women especially African and Nigerian women get engaged earlier. Wed earlier. Have babies earlier. And everything in life seems to take its placement from that first head start.

So if you’re not having children at the same time as your friends, you’re not getting married with them, you’re not engaged with them, you’re not dating with them… you can feel a bit left behind.

A large part of the society wants you to feel the bliss of marriage, the joy of children, the wonder of building a relationship. So they – your parents or your friends or your relatives – urge you toward all the things you really do want by… urging you to date. (Or just ‘get married soon!)

But what if you don’t want to? What if you can't seem to find your prince Charming? Just what if you want to focus on other aspects of your life first? A career, a masters or PHD, time off to tour the world?


Well-meaning women, content in their own marriages, push you toward men they think you can build a life with. They tease you about the church bachelors, setting you up on blind dates, hinting to the adult sons of their friends how beautiful and smart you are.

They do it because they want to see you happy, but it leaves you feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed, and a little ashamed.

* * *

Why do they think I need to be in a relationship to be happy?

We know that we don’t. And really, they do, too. They just think it will make us happier.

Why do I feel like I won’t be happy if I don’t date, yet the thought of dating makes me nauseous?

Things that we want in our lives are results of first having dated, and it’s understood that eventually dating is a necessary part of your future if you continue to want those things.

But here’s the thing— you don’t have to do it right now.

* * *

Being married does not hold a greater joy in life than can be found as a single person.

Being married doesn’t solve all of your problems.

Dating someone does not make a dull life vibrant, or a greyscale color.

Dating someone is not the answer to life’s every question.

You aren’t missing everything.

Because what those well-meaning people have, what your friends enjoy, what your church upholds? Their stories are not yours.

If you snapped your fingers and had a boyfriend, a husband, whatever… you still wouldn’t feel like they do. Your story is completely different from theirs (font, cover, page count, all of it), and

only you can live your story.

Who knows what it holds?

A relocation to a place you never thought you’d live.

A job you never dreamed you’d get.

A career, a passion, a wealth of friendships you couldn’t replace.

Yes, you may want those other parts— the husband, the children, the family.

But no one else is writing the words of your life except you and God.

You’re one who meets him, the one who falls for him, the one who says, “I do,” the one who sees the strip turn positive, the one who paints the nursery, the one who rocks the baby to sleep.

You know yourself and how God speaks to you better than anyone.

* * *

Hold on, let me say that again.

You know yourself and how God speaks to you better than anyone.

So trust yourself. And trust God.

If you don’t want to date right now, don’t.

Because you’re in high school, in college, in your twenties.

Because you’re focusing on your writing, your music, your career, your happiness.

Because you feel God drawing you closer to Him and there’s not room for someone else right now.

Because you simply don’t feel ready, or there’s just no one you like. (And that happens, and that’s okay, and please, don’t ever force that for the sake of just dating someone, okay?)

‘One day’ doesn’t always have to be right now.

* * *

You don’t have to date. It doesn’t mean you never will.

You don’t have to date. It doesn’t mean you’ll be single forever.

You don’t have to date. You will discover that happiness and joy can be found in a thousand other ways and moments and relationships.

You don’t have to date. Don’t believe the lie that you won’t be ‘complete’ without someone else.

You don’t have to date. You decide what goes in the pages of your story. Don’t let other people skip a few chapters ahead because they prefer a certain type of content.

* * *

God will never pass you by or forget you. So rest your hopes in His hands and trust He knows better what to do with them than you ever could.

Be happy for those who love what they have and want it for you, and be okay with telling them, not now, not yet. This is my story.

You won’t do it because you feel like you should, or out of fear, or boredom, or co-dependency.

Date someone when you want to date them, not when you just want to date.

It’s supposed to be fun, remember?

Enjoy it when you do it, and until then, enjoy it when you… don’t.

Slightly edited by TheLeakyTribe
Source: GoodWomenProject

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